Started the day with Tonya’s “Talk Dirty to Me” workshop, which was great.  Got the motor running.  Discovered the secret to sexy talk – in a nutshell, tell ‘em what you are doing (ie “I’m sitting on your face” or whatever you happen to be doing at the moment) and tell ‘em what you want to do (as in “I want to lick you from front to back with some detours along the way”).  And don’t be afraid to stop in the middle and say “This isn’t working! I feel like a tuba!”

My workshop had the benefit of having gotten to practice up at Breitenbush a few days before, and allowed me to really discover what works and what doesn’t.    I felt well prepared going in (except for the music – that’s a whole ‘nother story) having thought about this workshop almost non-stop for weeks and weeks.  Which perhaps seems strange, given it was only a three hour event, but truly, this feels like the path I’m really meant to be on.  This is my life’s work, and I want so very much to be good at it. Not so much for ego (though I suppose that’s always there) but to help people crack open their sexual reserve and discover the juicy molten core within (to mix a metaphor).

I feel like I’m discovering with every workshop the possibilities of the form.  Games and exercises that allow people to connect in an intimate, and yet not physical way.  To stimulate the imagination, but not dispel the state of arousal with another person.  Chanel that energy into the creative act, whether that be writing or creating a scene or telling a story.

Yesterday’s workshop was a cross section of ages and sexes and sexual preferences, from the professional dominatrix who’s good with rope to the married man who’s only been with 2 women in his life and comes from a church most would describe as ultra conservative.  And yet, they PLAYED together!  They created a scene! People shared their stories, and wrote fantasies based on their partners experience.  I tried out a new game – Lover, May I? – that was the perfect combination of edgy and hilarious.

At the end, when everyone had a chance to share the  letter they’d written to or from their Erotic Self, I nearly wept.  So many shares about how their erotic self never gets seen by anyone anymore, or has been in hibernation for years.  I want to provide a safe and sexy place where that self is invited in, and gets to sit at the table, not just wait in the spare bedroom.  So what if you don’t have a lover, or a lover who’s interested in playing – I want to make a space where all kinds of people can acknowledge one another’s sexuality without any obligation to fuck them (though you never know who you might meet).

I’m super jazzed and grateful for the opportunity to be doing this work.  I can’t wait to do more of it.

I had the opportunity to do a short version of my workshop this past week up at Breitenbush hot springs.  Fascinating!  I had some great feedback.  So helpful.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that even folks who are open and evolved and sex-positive still have anxiety when they don’t know what the requirements are going to be.  Seems like some folks thought there would be a lot of intimacy exercises, and were concerned about doing such things with their co-workers (understandable!).  What I’m trying to figure out how to make clear is that these workshops, unlike a tantric puja or sensual, touch-positive party – don’t involve intimate interactions.  They might involve games and creating scenes, but it’s more of an exercise in channeling creative impulses, not dispelling sexual energy. I’m still learning to navigate describing the intent.

I’m so looking forward to Saturday and learning and playing with a whole new group of people.  I’ll try and come back to the blog and give an update afterwards.  Believe me, I’m just as curious as to how it’s all going to turn out!

I’m offering a workshop on Expanding the Erotic Imagination.   This is your opportunity to scare yourself a little, in order to get a lot.

Why would you take this workshop?  Because you’re an artist and you feel stuck.  Because you need a creative booster.  You’re a writer and you get shy writing about sex.  Because you stopped coming up with new fantasies at age 13, and just replay the same tape over and over.  (And it doesn’t work so well anymore).   You love to talk about sex.  You can’t remember the last time you felt lust.  Spring has sprung and you are feeling wiggly in your skin.  You wanna play grown up games with other GGGers.  You want to write a piece of erotica for your lover, your ex, yourself.

We will play games, tell stories, write our revelations and have fun.

As Naomi Wolf writes in her book Vagina, “A flowering of creative insight and vision seem to follow a sexual flowering.” I’d argue that’s not just for the ladies.  I believe everyone can benefit from delving into their erotic imagination – and that our sexual imagination feeds our creativity in all parts of life.   This workshop is a deliberate attempt to stimulate those synapsis.

I’ve been exploring sex and creativity for the last 5 years, as the artistic director of Dance Naked Productions.  I’ve made several shows about Inviting Desire, and I’m excited to share the process of tapping into erotic creativity.  Wanna know the secret?  Lust.  It’s a shot of dopamine that lights a fire in your brain and increases your output.  For reals.  So in this workshop we’ll play with rediscovering lust (!) and stimulating the erotic imagination.   How deep you dive is up to you.

Are you feeling brave?

Saturday, May 4th from 2-5pm.

Location – centrally located, close-in SE location.  Very accessible from I-5, I-84, downtown.

Cost is $40

I’m capping registration at 12 people, so register in advance.

From previous workshop participants:
It allowed us to really play with our expression, and to combine our ideas about seduction with our experience in a totally safe way – KR, therapist

My husband and I were so grateful for your workshop. We had an amazing time together, and these explorations are always so good for a relationship. Thank you for demonstrating such courage and kindness. The shares were fun! -RF, painter

I think you are really onto something special you are uniquely gifted & empowered to offer. I’ve done lots of group exercises around these themes but there were very different aspects to what you taught that were striking to me. I really appreciated the invocation and celebration of lust exercise. Inviting it, walking around with it, feeling it in your body. It felt very safe to me and I felt very honored and empowered to unabashedly be invited to feel lust in my body. Not to do anything with it. As a male I have felt a lot of shame, repression & distrust of my lust. Just accepting, relishing it openly in a room full of many strangers felt healing and potentially revolutionary. This was especially striking to me and completely unique in my experience. -HL, contractor

The woman I was paired with on this was divinely appointed. (She felt the same, as she came up to me after the workshop ended and said exactly that!) Incredible to think in such a short time as the evening was, that I could say what I did to her, and she would reveal what she did to me! Powerful... – PK, business analyst

Hell Yeah, I’m feeling Brave!

Can’t wait to see you there.

XXX,

Eleanor

PS Tonya Jone Miller is also teaching a workshop on Saturday May 4th, for Dance Naked Productions.  Her workshop is from 11-1pm, and is titled How to Talk Dirty in Bed.

You can take Tonya’s workshop for $40, or you can take them BOTH for $60.  Such a deal!

Read the description:

Would you like your actual sex life to be as hot as your fantasies? Have you or your lover ever pleaded, “talk dirty to me!” in the heat of passion?  Is there a role-play you’ve wondered about but are too nervous to try? Learn the tricks of the trade from a professional actress and phone sex operator!  Renowned aural courtesan Tonya Jone Miller uses basic acting theory and improv games to help you get past your self-judgment and into a creative, erotic headspace. Unlock your deepest desires and learn how to safely explore them in the realm of fantasy.

HELL YEAH, I WANT THAT TOO!

Hey friends, I have been posting my updates on Facebook, and completely neglecting my blog.  And why have a blog if I’m not going to use it?  So, I’m trying to get more regular.  Ahem.

So for those who haven’t been following my updates on Twitter (just kidding, I suck at that too) I have been busy since Inviting Desire closed in December.  The kickstarter fulfillment took up a whole lot more time than I had anticipated.  (Good lord, making a calendar?  What was i thinking?  So not my skill set.  But I do think it turned out kinda cool).  Hopefully most of you have received whatever I promised you (though there are a few more still to go out, so if you haven’t, I think I have like a year to finish them.  Or maybe that was my wedding thank yous.  Still working on those).

In January I received a RACC grant to study with a woman in New Mexico named Tanya Taylor Rubinstein, who’s specialty is helping develop solo shows.  I was particularly excited by this – as Tanya also helps train teachers.   The grant specified both developing my facilitating skills, as well as my new show – kind of a dream assignment.

Tanya and I made contact about the third week of January, and immediately hatched a plan to bring me down to Santa Fe.  We decided on Valentine’s weekend as a great time to offer GGG: Dominatrix for Dummies (the solo show I’ve been touring this year), as well as observe her working with a client, and have her observe and guide me as I facilitated a workshop. Plus, begin work on my new show!  Quite a lot to bite off.

I arrived in Santa Fe on Wednesday the 13th, and spent the day putting up posters around town.  (I also took a kundalini yoga class in which I was the only participant, and went to a contact improv class in which again, I was the only one who showed up).  (No, neither teacher cancelled the class – I just got LOTS of attention).  Thursday coincided with V-Day, and I got to dance with thousands of people supporting women’s right to a non-violent existence (OneBillion Rising).

I also began to study with Tanya.  She had a client in town from Australia for a bootcamp (4 days of intensive one-on-one work to create a new show).  This was a fellow named Andy who used to be Anna.  He is creating a show based on his transition – and I must say, I was spellbound.  His story is fascinating – and I loved how Tanya worked with him, and drew out the most compelling characters and moments.

Thursday night I went to Dance Embodied, a 5-rythms inspired ecstatic dance in Santa Fe, and as it was part of the One Billion Rising events, the place was PACKED.  The energy was so electric – prayer and deep boogie all in one place.  Magical.  I spent much of my practice falling in love with myself (for those who’ve seen GGG, you’ll get that reference).  And then at the closing circle, there were announcements, and a woman I didn’t know announced my show and encouraged people to go. I took that as a sign from the universe that I was in the right place, doing what I was meant to be doing.

Having stayed two nights at a couchsurfer connection (staying up til 2am in the living room of a house belonging to a 20-somethings band)

Though my tech was 2 hours late to rehearsal (apparently this is very “Santa Fe”) we managed to get through a cue-to-cue.  The show Friday night was crackling – great audience, high energy, loud laughers, lots of participation and applause.  Saturday’s show in the conference room  (oh, the venue I was at had overbooked – and as a consolation prize, I got to do my show in an alternative setting) was somewhat less thrilling.  No lighting, no bar(!) and a considerably less enthusiastic audience (including two women in the front row who were absolutely not into the show from jump – they glared at me the entire time, and left when I invited everyone to get up and dance.  If there is one demographic of people who don’t get my show, it is those who have a deep-seated need to be cool.  My show is so not cool).

However, there were many in both audiences that really got the show, and stayed afterwards to let me know how it affected them.  Including a woman who’d seen my post on Couchsurfer.  She asked me if I’d found a place to stay in Santa Fe and I told her I had , and was now staying at the hostel until my next couchsurfer link-up.   The woman standing NEXT to her says “Oh, I’ve got a place you can stay.  It’s totally empty.  I just watch it for my friend.”  “Oh no,” I start to demure, “I’m fine at the hostel (and it’s true – the hostel is AWESOME.  Everyone has to do chores and you have to eat in the communal kitchen, but the conversational possibilities are delightful). But then she mentions this house has a JACUZZI.  Oh, well, in that case….

Sunday I taught a workshop.  (I taught a workshop!  I can’t get over how… not scary it was. Actually fun!  I had fun teaching!  Seriously, this is groundbreaking.  I usually feel so stressed about whether or not people are getting their money’s worth I just can’t enjoy myself).   The topic was “Expanding the Erotic Imagination” and I had planned out a series of exercises and writing prompts.  I had 9 people show up, and they really joined in.  High participation – lots of laughs and really moving shares. (and some incredibly hot shares!)  2 men in the group – that was a first for me.  I’ve only ever worked with all female groups (other than workshops at breitenbush).  I found I really appreciated having men in the mix.

Having Tanya in the room with me really helped.  She and I had worked out most of the details of the workshop together, and she attended the workshop as a participant, so she could give me feedback on how I facilitated.

Sunday night I danced with the Santa Fe community at Dance Embodied.  Several people mentioned my show in the closing circle.  THAT was an incredible feeling.  And at least two people where there because they had SEEN my show, and it made them want to find out more about dance.  That makes me vibrate with happiness.  I just know how much it changed my life, discovering ecstatic dance.  I can’t help but proselytize a little.   Afterwards a big group went out to the Cowgirl Cafe and did more bonding (shout out to new friends Tracy, Valerie, Barb and Elaine).  I love how quickly the dance allows you to make new friends.  There’s already such shared intimacy.

Monday was epic.  Tanya and I spent the day at her studio – debriefing the workshop and planning future ones.  Then, we went to work on the new show.  I came to her with excerpts Ari and I had prepared from the Sex Diaries, and her response was…less than enthusiastic.  She wanted to hear more of my story.  Imagine that.  So we spent the bulk of our time fleshing out the story of MY sex diary.  I played many of the principle characters, she asked them questions, I wrote on my feet.

I felt a kind of joy in that creation process I haven’t felt for a long time.  Improvising a story that I already know, but fleshing out details, getting to create characters.  Tanya is particularly good at inviting certain people into the room and asking them questions.  What discoveries I found stepping into the voices and minds of those who are close to me!  So interesting.  I wish we had been able to spend more time.  But I am grateful for this beginning.

Monday night I went to 10,000 waves, on the advice of Meshi Chavez (a dancer in Portland who I just happened to run into the day before I left).  WHAT a magical place!  It’s a Japanese inspired hotsprings/spa that is all kinds of elegant and peaceful.  I hung out with my new friend Valerie under the stars and talked and talked.

Tuesday Tanya and I continued this conversation about my show, my career, workshops, classes, what ifs and possibilities.  It felt SO GOOD to have a mentor, a person who has done the kind of thing that I do, that has actually concrete ideas about how to move forward.  Oh, and did I mention we had this conversation at Ojo Caliente, an absolutely gorgeous hotsprings in the desert, surrounded by moutains?  There are all kinds of different pools – iron and arsenic, dry saunas and steam rooms.  We spent all day outside, hopping from pool to pool, topic to topic.

I was once again reminded of just how generous and kind the universe can be. I can’t imagine a better setting, a better teacher, a better time in my life for this to be unfolding.
I returned to Portland so full of hope and enthusiasm.  I am heading out to breitenbush for 10 days, to continue to dream this new phase into being.

Thank you RACC for making this visit possible, thank you Tanya for your enormous faith in me, and thank you friends, family, audience members, dancers – for all the support in making it happen.